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Balancing My MA in International Relations with Motherhood
As a South Asian student from Pakistan, I embarked on my MA in International Relations at the University of Hertfordshire with high hopes of broadening my knowledge and career opportunities. While much of the academic discourse focuses on the challenges of pursuing a PhD or post-doctoral research as an “academic mom,” my journey extends this conversation to the pursuit of an MA. By sharing my experience, I hope to contribute a new perspective to this important discussion.
I had anticipated the intellectual challenges of a postgraduate degree, but I had not foreseen the immense test of endurance, resilience, and time management that awaited me. Pursuing my MA while pregnant, and later navigating the demands of early motherhood, was a transformative experience—one that reshaped my understanding of perseverance, determination, and the strength that comes from faith.
The Academic and Physical Challenges Before My Baby’s Arrival
When I began my studies in September 2023, I faced a demanding schedule. My classes ran from 9 AM to 5 PM, and the large, hilly campus required long walks between lectures, often including steep stairs that became increasingly daunting as my pregnancy progressed. The physical strain was exhausting, and I constantly worried about slipping or falling, especially when rushing to class. Despite these challenges, I remained committed to my studies, working hard to stay focused even when my body seemed to resist.
Although I was pregnant before the term began, I chose not to defer my studies. My determination to continue my academic journey and the belief that overcoming these challenges would strengthen my resolve kept me going. The long commute home added another layer of stress, sometimes requiring me to stand for the 1.5-hour bus ride back—an especially taxing experience while pregnant. Yet, my dedication to completing my course kept me pushing forward. I learned to manage my energy and navigate the physical and emotional challenges of campus life, finding strength in my faith and commitment.
Commuting Struggles
I would leave home at 6 AM in the dark, often drenched by the rain, feeling uneasy as I walked through the garden. Using my phone’s flashlight, I recited Quranic verses and Darood Shareef, praying for protection. The fear of accidents, attacks, or encounters with animals in the dark heightened my anxiety.
Another difficulty was managing transportation expenses. My Android phone did not support Google Wallet, and since buses only accepted cash, I had to withdraw money from the bank and buy something at a store to get the necessary change. At times, this process caused me to miss my bus. The constant uphill and downhill walk added to my fatigue.
After finishing my classes, the journey home was another exhausting ordeal. I had to take a bus, either the 610 or the X10, to Luton Station, followed by another Z bus to reach home. The uncertainty of which bus would arrive first added to my stress. Some days, I was fortunate to get a seat; other days, I had to stand for the entire 1.5-hour journey.
Despite being pregnant, I never told anyone about my condition. I am not sure why I kept it to myself, but no one seemed to notice, perhaps because I remained physically active. However, the fatigue was immense. The hilly terrain, unpredictable weather, and long travel hours made the experience even more difficult.
One night, I got lost in the UK because, without a map, navigation was nearly impossible. I forgot to press the stop button on the bus, and my phone battery was almost dead. I called my husband, but before I could share my location, my phone switched off. In desperation, I texted my Pakistani friend, Fazeelat, asking how to share my location. She helped me just in time. After waiting for a while, my husband arrived and took me home.
A Sudden Life Change: Pregnancy and Birth
In the second-to-last class of my first year, a classmate finally asked if I was pregnant. Until then, I had kept it to myself. Once I admitted that I was expecting, my journey took a new turn. On April 28, 2024, after enduring severe pain late one evening, I found myself in labor. My baby girl was born, and I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. The transition from studying to motherhood was challenging. Not only did I need to care for my newborn, but I had to figure out how to continue my academic pursuits with my baby by my side.
My Husband: A Partner in This Journey
My husband played an essential role in my journey, offering both emotional and logistical support. However, his full-time job meant he could not always be present for me and our baby. Despite his demanding work schedule, he helped with late-night feedings, encouraged me during tough moments, and took leave whenever possible—especially during my surgery recovery and crucial academic deadlines—to care for our baby.
Addressing Societal Expectations
One societal expectation I had to confront was the belief that my husband should be the primary caregiver while I focused on my studies. This assumption, common in many cultures, did not align with our reality. His demanding job prevented him from taking full responsibility for childcare, highlighting the ongoing struggle for gender equality in caregiving roles.
Childcare Challenges and University Policies
Childcare in the UK is professionalized but extremely expensive. With nursery fees beyond our budget and no family to assist, I had no choice but to bring my baby to university. Although my professors and classmates were supportive, I constantly feared being asked to leave due to university policies prohibiting children in academic sessions. Despite this, I strategically attended library sessions during quieter hours and selected courses with flexibility. The kindness of individuals—classmates, professors, and friends—helped me navigate this challenge.
Returning to University with My Baby
On September 25, 2024, I started my second year with my baby. Although I was anxious about how people would react, my classmates welcomed her with warmth. Even my module leader, Arvind Kumar, helped by holding her during seminars so I could focus. Over time, she became a familiar presence in class, affectionately referred to as our “classmate.”
Health Challenges and Surgery
I experienced severe pain and was eventually diagnosed with gallbladder stones. Despite persistent pain, my surgery was scheduled for January 2025. One night, unable to bear the pain, I called 111 but was told to wait. My husband booked a taxi, and with the help of my neighbor, I reached the hospital with my baby. After undergoing pancreatic surgery on October 1, 2024, I returned to university just a week later, determined to continue my studies.
Cultural Comparison: Motherhood in Pakistan vs. The UK
In Pakistan, family support is readily available, making childcare more manageable. In contrast, in the UK, the lack of extended family and high childcare costs meant I had to balance academic responsibilities and motherhood largely on my own. The experience reinforced my appreciation for both cultural systems, each with its own advantages and challenges.
Motherhood and Academic Growth
By December 2024, my baby had grown significantly, becoming more independent. Despite the challenges, I learned that perseverance and adaptability were key. There were moments of exhaustion and self-doubt, but the love for my daughter and my determination to complete my education kept me going.
Balancing a demanding MA in International Relations with motherhood was one of the most difficult challenges I have ever faced. Yet, through resilience, faith, and the support of those around me, I proved that it is possible to pursue academic goals while embracing the joys and responsibilities of motherhood.